In honour of my baby Girl Rubix, August 25,2011 - April 8,2020.
Before Rubix & I found each other she was abandoned twice in her life. She was so afraid to let me in until one day she trusted that I wouldn’t leave her that my love for her was true that's when she began to come into her own.
She was the boss in the house, she was the big sister to Aphro & Kastor, she would run up to them & grab onto their chest with her nails & pull herself into them & hug them & they would kiss her on her head & she would jump off & run a different direction just to do it again. She would even do it to me except just lay there on my heart gripping the sides of my ribs, if she liked you she would lay on your chest too with a grip. She was my baby girl that loved the sunshine, tuna, catnip, attaching to your feet, holding onto your chest, knocking things off the counter, she even loved popcorn.
She was my girl who was afraid of letting love in, but when she did she loved you back. She stopped being afraid & started trusting.
She was sick last year & then would get better & then sick again. Unfortunately she got sick again this year & she was getting better, but part of me said there was something more. But She was being her goofy self again, knocking things over, running for tuna, catnip, meowing in my ear being her playful self. But she started going strange again & I was like it's just the meds. But Saturday night she didn’t want dinner, but I let it be as she must have been full, then Sunday I saw her laying on the sofa & food wasn’t touched. I knew I was losing my baby girl. I did what any fur mom would do, I held her, kissed her, carried her to her litter box, bathed her, rocked her in my arms.
We did what she wanted to do, she wanted to be outside in the snow or just lay in the sun or be in her favourite spots. She laid every night with me in bed, except I would wake up in the middle of the night ⅗ times to make sure she was okay but she just wanted to be with her brother & sister. The 7am started on Monday. I had that number in my head since Saturday. I just didn’t know why. I was up at 7am & bathed her, & let her sleep & her brother & sister would be goofy.
Monday Evening she laid next to me while I did a voyance reading, she laid there with me sleeping & would open her eyes when I was done with each card. When it was complete she moved to the door to say it's done. I’m grateful that she spent another day like that with me as I always enjoyed her being in the room. Tuesday we laid on the sofa & she fell asleep in my arms & that's when I saw the rainbow door, hands touching her, grass & butterflies & warmth. As I saw she gripped onto me gently & we just laid there together. Tuesday night she touched my face, wiped my tears from my face cause I wanted more time with her & I needed her to know I love her. I was like hey I’m here to comfort you not the other way around & that's when she placed her paws on my mouth & continued wiping my tears. She always did that when I was crying she would place her paws on me & wipe my tears away.
Yesterday I woke up at 6am & went to her & grabbed her & carried her back into my bed, holding her till 7am, we got up & I carried her everywhere, we laid on the floor in the sun & I saw the same presence come again, grass, butterflies, warmth & them waiting for her I opened my eyes while this was happening & i got to watch her dream tail gently flickering & mouth moving with excitement like she was there enjoying the moment & I was there with her. She woke up & I brushed her & then she went outside so we sat on the porch in the sun & she sat in the snow just being. I gave her another warm cloth bath & she went back outside in the sun & then we went back to the bed & just laid together until we had to go to the doctor.
When we finally got to her doctor, the doctor saw that she wasn't there anymore, she was tired & the doctor found a lump & she had cancer. made the hardest decision but the right one because she was ready. I held her in my arms like a baby, rocking her telling her I love her, telling her I'm here for her. I saw the door open & warmth come in & a higher presence came through & butterflies, her & I were both looking at it & i kept telling her its okay thats all for you. Then I felt a cold energy in my heart & I knew it was her, she had left her body & the doctor confirmed it. I held her so tightly because she is my baby girl.
As I laid her in her bed & we wrapped her in a blanket I kissed her paws & head & held her & then she got me to make promises to her. I’m grateful for Calgary Trail Pet Hospital for giving us time to say goodbye & for allowing me to hold her & for the love & support during my difficult time. I’m grateful for my family & friends that knew & supported me via facetime & messages, I love you all so much.
I kept waking up in the middle of the night hearing her & then i thought I heard a noise downstairs that she usually does & nothing & the time was 311 & I went back to sleep only to hear her again. I woke up again today at 7am & I was missing her cause I just wanted to bathe her & touch her paws so I took a shower.
So to honour Rubix & how she opened herself to love & trust, I would love for all of you to just be true & tell the people & fur babies that you love them & don’t be afraid to love & be loved. You never know when it’s going to be someone’s time. Hug, kiss, facetime, text, snuggle, take a leap of faith, don’t be afraid to open yourself up to possibilities. Because if she didn’t finally open up to her & I wouldn’t have had the moments we did.
To me Rubix was my child, she was my baby & I’m going to miss her everyday but I’m going to love even more because of her.
My blogs are about life, journeys, discovering your path, healing and so much more.